Parenting Young Adults: Marriage Questions

Once children have reached puberty, they have also reached the age of maturity in Islaam. That is a good time to start a line of questioning that will open up thinking and communication lines regarding their future life.

Marriage is a huge part of their future, so it is important to discuss the subject openly. As we have girls, these questions were presented and then the answers given to their father, who sat down and had a private one-on-one talk about the subject. He went through the questions one by one, discussing, expanding, correcting if the mindset was wrong, and providing guidance and advice. Why the father? Because he is the one who will have to seek out a suitable husband.This can easily be used for males as well. After the initial discussion, it can be used as a springboard to teach and drive home certain points or aspects that need to be considered and understood.

• When does she/he want to get married?
• What does she/he need to do in order to get married?
• What Islamic knowledge must she/he have in order to get married? 
• Why should someone want to marry her/him? What does she/he have to offer?
• When should she/he start preparing for marriage?
• What are her/his husband's/wife's rights?
• What are her/his rights?
• How will she/he prepare for marriage?

Having young adults realistically contemplate marriage has various psychological effects. It can make them realize that they need to start preparing immediately, making changes, being more responsible, improving their character, and correcting their bad habits. After all, any prospective spouse will be asking about them from various sources and they will surely want everyone to have positive things to say. In addition, it can turn the otherwise "floating" young man, unclear and uninterested in choosing a career or educational area of focus, into an ambitious, focused go-getter. The prospect of marriage makes the need for money to set up a home, take care of a wife and eventually a family, etc. a reality that needs to be addressed. The prospect of marriage is a great motivator for improvement all around, maashaa Allah.