Parenting: Communicative Problem Solving - Understanding Love

Here are the latest series of questions posed to get them thinking and understanding what real love is.

Questions:

What does it mean to love someone?

Can you love someone after seeing the once because you think they are good looking/attractive?

Can you love someone without knowing them?

If someone gives you all the things you like or want, does that mean they love you?

If you love someone, should you never correct them, tell them off, or punish them if they do wrong or haraam actions on purpose?

What would you do if someone you love keeps on doing haraam actions?

Does it change how much you love them if they keep on doing haraam actions, even though you have tried to correct them or stop them many times?

Is it easier to love people who love Allah and are obedient to Him or people who just do as they like?

Who should we love the most, and why?

Extension:

There are a couple of posts on the other blog which tie in with this exercise, and could be used afterwards as part of the learning and growing process. They can be found here and here.

What we're reading in April 2014

Here is the mix of books being read in our home this month.

Please note, we had posted the book Kaffir Boy, which comes in two versions - one with some adult content and one revised for schools. We had the version revised for schools, but have since decided to remove the book completely to ensure nobody purchases or reads the unrevised version or purchases it for their children and exposes them to anything inappropriate. May Allah guide and protect us and our families from all harm - ameen.

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting Young Adults: Marriage Questions

Once children have reached puberty, they have also reached the age of maturity in Islaam. That is a good time to start a line of questioning that will open up thinking and communication lines regarding their future life.

Marriage is a huge part of their future, so it is important to discuss the subject openly. As we have girls, these questions were presented and then the answers given to their father, who sat down and had a private one-on-one talk about the subject. He went through the questions one by one, discussing, expanding, correcting if the mindset was wrong, and providing guidance and advice. Why the father? Because he is the one who will have to seek out a suitable husband.This can easily be used for males as well. After the initial discussion, it can be used as a springboard to teach and drive home certain points or aspects that need to be considered and understood.

• When does she/he want to get married?
• What does she/he need to do in order to get married?
• What Islamic knowledge must she/he have in order to get married? 
• Why should someone want to marry her/him? What does she/he have to offer?
• When should she/he start preparing for marriage?
• What are her/his husband's/wife's rights?
• What are her/his rights?
• How will she/he prepare for marriage?

Having young adults realistically contemplate marriage has various psychological effects. It can make them realize that they need to start preparing immediately, making changes, being more responsible, improving their character, and correcting their bad habits. After all, any prospective spouse will be asking about them from various sources and they will surely want everyone to have positive things to say. In addition, it can turn the otherwise "floating" young man, unclear and uninterested in choosing a career or educational area of focus, into an ambitious, focused go-getter. The prospect of marriage makes the need for money to set up a home, take care of a wife and eventually a family, etc. a reality that needs to be addressed. The prospect of marriage is a great motivator for improvement all around, maashaa Allah.

Parenting: Muslim Police Force

How many of you are trying to remind your children to use the appropriate dua' for the different day-to-day activities? Well, here is an idea you might like to implement that is fun and educational.

Set up your own Muslim Police Force.

Make police badges for each Officer, for example:

Bism'Illah Officer
Al hamdul'Illah Officer
Bathroom Dua' Officer
Bedtime Dua' Officer
Post Adhaan Dua' Officer
Prayer Time Officer

Basically, choose whatever titles you want to have and need to teach/implement in your home. Then assign the badges to each family member for a week. Each person is in charge of reminding all the others to say the appropriate dua' at the specified time. So, Bism'Illah Officer will make sure everyone says it before eating, Bedtime Dua' Officer will go around ensuring everyone says their bedtime dua' before sleeping, etc. As the weeks go by and the officer's rotate roles, it will give everyone an opportunity to reinforce the daily dua' and also when things seem well established, new Officer roles can be created to add to the dua. The dua' for putting clothes on, the dua' for leaving the house, the dua' for the traveller, etc. Masha'Allah, the beauty of it is that for the younger ones, it can be a very simple one word thing and for the older ones something longer that they can teach others.

I never forget how the children would all ask each other, "Did YOU say bism'Illah?" before eating, LOL. It was like a police inquiry and it gave me this idea. You could even authorize them to issue tickets for offenders, LOL!