Self Development: Developing Love for Allah

We are working on our hearts and setting up disciplines and practices that will replace any negative things occupying our hearts with positive ones that will develop our love for Allah, subhaana wa ta'ala. We read the following and then did an exercise.

Developing Love for Allah

By Imaam Ibnul Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (d.751H)
 

Ibnul Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (rahimahullaah) said:

"People have discussed about mahabbah (love of Allaah); its causes and what brings it about, its signs and its fruits and its rulings. The most comprehensive saying about this is what Abu Bakr al-Kattaanee (rahimahullaah) relates about al-Junayd (d.279H).

Abu Bakr al-Kattaanee (d.322H) said:

"A discussion about mahabbah took place in Makkah during the Pilgrimage month. The Shaykhs who were present spoke about this matter and al-Junayd was the youngest of them. They said to him: O 'Iraaqee, what do you have to say? So he bowed his head and tears were flowing from his eyes and he said:

"A servant should overcome his soul;

And be continuous in the remembrance of his Lord;

Establishing the Rights of his Lord;

Focusing upon Him with his heart;

The late of fear setting a blaze upon his heart;

Whilst drinking from the vessel of true love;

And certain realities become unveiled to him;

So when he talks, it is due to Allaah;

When he speaks, it is from Allaah;

When he moves, it is by the command of Allaah;

And when he is serene, then it is from Allaah;

He belongs to Allaah, is for Allaah, and is with Allaah."

So the shaykhs began to weep and said: How can that be increased upon? May Allaah reward you with good, O crown of the knowledgeable ones!" [1]

Imaam Ibnul Qayyim (rahimahullaah) further said:

"The reason which cause the mahabbah (love of Allaah) to develop are ten:

Firstly: Reciting the Qur`aan, reflecting upon it and understanding its meanings.

Secondly: Drawing closer to Allaah through the performance of optional deeds, after fulfilling the obligatory deeds.

Thirdly: Being continuous in the dhikr (remembrance) of Allaah - in all circumstances - with the tongue, the heart and the limbs. The more constant the dhikr, the more mahabbah intensifies.

Fourthly: Giving precedence to what Allaah loves - when being overcome with desires - over what one personally loves and desires.

Fifthly: Causing the heart to contemplate over the Names and Attributes of Allaah. Being a witness to what they necessitate and causing the heart to be enlightened in the garden of this realisation.

Sixthly: Witnessing the blessing and the favours of Allaah; the apparent and the hidden.

Seventhly: Subduing the heart and humbling it before Allaah, causing it to be in awe of Him.

Eighthly: Being in seclusion during the time in which Allaah descends to the lowest Heaven; reciting the Qur`aan, and finishing this recitation with seeking Allaah's forgiveness and sincerely repenting to Him.

Ninthly: Sitting in the gatherings of the sincere and true lovers of Allaah; reaping the benefits of their teachings, and not speaking except when you know there is benefit in doing so and that such speech will increase you in good and benefit others as well.

Tenthly: Keeping clear from all those matters which will cause the heart to distance itself from Allaah - the Mighty and Majestic.

So these are ten matters which cause the lover to reach the station of true love for Allaah, so that he may then reach Allaah - his Beloved." [2]

Footnotes:

[1] Madaarijus-Saalikeen (3/9)

[2] Madaarijus-Saalikeen (3/17-18)

Self Development Exercise:

Make a beautiful little summarized reminder of these 10 points - either on an index card, bookmark, daily event on your phone, poster on the fridge, etc. - that will serve as a checklist on a DAILY basis. Use this as a reminder every day to include these things in your day and keep your whole day busy with something from them, trying to cover each thing on the list. 

This is a practical way to occupy your heart with Allah and all that He loves, and bring true happiness to yourself bi idhn Illah, ta'ala.

Self Development: Occupation of the Heart

We read this gem in our hadeeth class, and did a self development exercise afterwards.

An Occupied Space cannot Contain two Opposites

By Imaam Ibnul-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (d.751H)

A beautiful example of the contents of the Heart by the great scholar, Imaam Ibnul-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah.

It is better for your mouths to be full of pus until it makes it go bad than to be full of poetry.

For a space to accept what is being put in it, it has to be emptied of the opposite. The same way this is relevant with individuals and objects, it is also true for beliefs and wills. So, if the heart is occupied with loving and believing in falsehood, then it has no space for loving and accepting the truth. Just like if a tongue is busy uttering what does not have benefit, then its owner will not be able to utter what has benefit for him except if he stops talking about what is useless. Also if the different body parts are busy doing what is not obedience then it is not possible to keep them occupied in doing what is obedience except if he (the owner) frees them of the opposite. In the same way, a heart full of loving other than Allaah, wanting him, longing to meet him, and enjoying his company cannot be occupied with love for Allaah, wanting Him, longing to meet Him except by emptying it (the heart) from attachment to anything other than Him (Allaah). And the tongue cannot move to remember Him nor can the body parts move to His service except if he (the owner) frees them from mentioning and servicing other than Him. So if the heart is full of occupation with creation and sciences that do not have benefit then there is no space for being occupied with Allaah and knowing His Names, Attributes, Laws. And the secret of that is that the Isghaa (listening in concentration) of the heart is like the Isghaa (listening in concentration) of the ears, so if he listens to other than the Hadeeth (meaning speech , words, subject) of Allaah, then there will be no room to listen to or understand the Hadeeth of Allaah. Just like if he is inclined in love towards other than Allaah then he would have no room to incline in love towards Allaah. If the heart utters other than the remembrance of Allaah then it will not have any space to utter His remembrance by using the tongue. And that is why we find in an authentic narration from the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam):

"It is better for your mouths to be full of pus until it makes it go bad than to be full of poetry." [1]

So he made it clear that a mouth can be full of poetry and therefore it also becomes full of doubts, fictions and unexisting measures. Also the sciences that have no benefit, jokes, comedies, stories and so on. If the heart is full of that, then when the truths of the Qur`aan, and the sciences that can make it experience its full function and happiness, come to him, it will not find any space for itself and no acceptance (from it), so it bypasses it (the heart) and moves to another place. If you give advice to a heart full of its opposite, it will not find a way in and (the heart) will not accept it. It does not enter inside but it only passes by briefly and not from the inside. That is why it was said:

"Clean your heart from other than Us , and you will find Us

For our Highness is compatible with every clean heart

And patience is a chest for the treasure of being associated with Us

He who makes the chest compatible wins its treasure."

Footnotes:

[1] Narrated by Sa'ad Ibn Abee Waqqaas in Saheeh Muslim, Kitaabush Shi'ir (Book of poetry) (27/5610).

source: Troid.ca

Self development exercise:

What Occupies your Heart?

List the beneficial and the harmful things that occupy your heart. 

After listing the things occupying your heart, consider what needs to be evicted (kicked out) and what needs to be brought in, in order to make your heart clean and a source of happiness for you.

What we're reading in May 2015

We are reading The Fallacy Detective, as a series of lessons on how to recognize bad reasoning. It is valuable and eye-opening for adults and older children alike, maashaa Allah. Even though we are only on lesson 10, it has everyone going around recognizing red herrings, ad hominems, appeals to false authorities, etc. in each other and in the media. This is a book that will expose invalid excuse makers and enable them to see their own errors bi idhn Illah, ta'ala.



In addition, with it's wide variety of answers to modern issues relating to women and family matters, our girls have been avidly reading/re-reading A Treatise on Hijab.

Self Development: How to help ME!

Indeed he succeeds who purifies his ownself (i.e. obeys and performs all that Allah ordered, by following the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism and by doing righteous good deeds).

And indeed he fails who corrupts his ownself (i.e. disobeys what Allah has ordered by rejecting the true Faith of Islamic Monotheism or by following polytheism, etc. or by doing every kind of evil wicked deeds).

A Muslim understands that happiness and success in this life and the next is dependent on the extent that he disciplines, trains, purifies, and improves himself. The following assignment, part of our Usool ud-Deen class, is based on the above ayaat from Surat-ush-Shams.

How to Help ME!

Come up with a plan to refine, purify, and cleanse your soul. It must include strategies for:

- Repentance, which means to stop all sins and acts of disobedience, with sorrow and regret for them and a resolution never to return to them.

- Watchfulness, where you make yourself aware that you are being watched by Allah and develop your awareness in your actions and thoughts.

- Taking Account, where you think about yourself and your actions, monitor your deeds, find ways to increase awareness of where your deeds will be recorded, and ways to improve your account bi idhn Illah ta'ala.

- Struggling and striving against yourself, realizing that by finding strategies to troubleshoot your weaknesses, course correct your bad habits, and fight your harmful desires.

Self Development: MyTrue Intentions

Following a lesson on the hadith, "Actions are by intentions," the blog post Be Real with Yourself was read and an essay was assigned as follows:

My True Intentions

Introduction: Give the proof you know about actions being rewarded as per the intention and any relevant explanation.

Paragraphs 1-3: Give three examples of incidents when your actions weren't in accordance with your intention; be honest.

Conclusion: What have you learned and what strategies might you use to align your actions with good intentions in the future?

Self Discovery Exercise through Poetry

I am  (2 traits that describe you)
I wonder if  (what do you wonder?)
I hear (what sounds fill your ears?)
I see (what visions fill your head?)
I want (what desires fuel your actions?)
I dream (what might your dream?)
I worry (what bothers you?)
I feel (what do you feel?)
I am (2 different traits that describe you)

You can see my completed poem over at Mai to the Extreme in the post, Looking Inward...

Parenting without "Punishment"

Terminology is very important. We often, as parents, use the term punishment with our children. They, in turn, use the word and think of whatever they face in response to incorrect or bad behavior as punishment. However, I realized something about the whole issue and feel it is important enough to write about. It is important to understand the reactions, the reasons, and the process as parents and as children. If we have correct understanding and thinking about how we respond  to our children, we will find ourselves naturally choosing appropriate strategies for their discipline and correction.Inshaa Allah, you can explain to your children as I have explained to mine.


When they do something wrong, the initial reaction from us as parents may vary. If it was something dangerous like playing with the stove/fire, then they might have a smacked hand to instantly make them retreat from the danger. If they do something immoral, like lying, they might have a spanking or be told to face the wall. These are instant deterrents. Actions we take to immediately stop or respond to the incorrect behavior, that are meant to be unpleasant and so make the children refrain from doing it again. These should come with a clear explanation of what wrong action is being responded to and why. For example, "I smacked your hand away to stop you burning it on the stove. You must not reach for the pans or try to touch the fire on the stove, because you will get burned and it will hurt you." So the instant response is a "deterrent."

Some behaviors are only addressed by a deterrent and an accompanying explanation. However, if those deterrents don't work, then parents must look for alternative strategies, such as taking something away from the child that they like each time they repeat the  undesired behavior. This has to be something that is effective for that individual child and their circumstances. If you tell the child they will not be allowed to play in the yard for that day, but they don't like playing in the yard and sit for hours with video games (may Allah protect all our children from that!), then it isn't an appropriate or effective correction strategy. The correction strategy must be based on things that the child will not like or want on a continual basis, to make them stop the undesired behavior.

In addition, there are bad habits or behaviors that may require a more lengthy correction plan. These are called, rectification programs. An example of this would be a child who continually speaks badly or causes fitnah amongst their siblings. That child may be separated from the others for a period of time, effectively cutting off communication until the self control to communicate positively is acquired or put into practice. During that period, it is important to provide them with the tools for rectification such as quotes from the Qur'aan, ahadeeth, and articles or books from scholars that address the behavior(s) to be corrected. It is best to make the rectification program for a short period of time, and then test the waters to see if there is improvement. If not, the program can be extended and further developed or intensified.

Throughout the process of addressing a child's dangerous, undesirable, or incorrect behavior, it is important that you explain what you are doing, advising the child that it is meant to set them right so they will please Allah and have a truly happy and successful life and aakhirah. In using the terms deterrent, correction strategy, and rectification program, you are informing the child of the purpose for your actions and also reminding yourself. You will find that you come up with far more appropriate and effective responses to your child's behavior when you think in those terms. Rather than take a blanket approach of looking at the wall for every offense, you will understand that different actions require different reactions and inshaa Allah find more success in your relationship with your children.

Parenting: Communicative Problem Solving - Understanding Sorry

As parents, it is vital that we inculcate in our children the true concept of feeling sorry, having regret for wrong actions. This is because being sorry is a key ingredient in the recipe for tawbah - sincere repentance to Allah. If there is no regret and sorrow at doing a wrong, then there is no sincere repentance and also no conscience, which is part of developing morality - the knowledge of right and wrong. These are the questions posed to our children  

Questions:

• What does it mean to be sorry about something? 


• What kind of actions might someone feel sorry about?
  
• What are some actions that you feel sorry about?
   
• Is is good to feel sorry about something that Allah sends us, like the life He decreed for us, a punishment, or a test? Why or why not?
  
• Why is it important to feel sorry about doing haraam actions and things Allah dislikes (makrooh)?
  
• What happens if you don't feel sorry about doing those things?
  
• If you say you are sorry to someone, but you keep doing the same thing to them or being rude or mean to them, are you really sorry or just saying it?
  
• If you did bad actions to a few people, but only say sorry to one or two, what does that mean?
  
• Can you tell if people say they are sorry to you, but don't mean it? How can you tell?

 Extension:

The extension is an additional few prompts or reminders to correct thinking or bring about more in-depth thought on the subject.

If Allah sends us a punishment or test, what is the best thing for us to say? What is the best reaction to have  in such situations?

The Sad and Bad of "Sorry"

Natural Gnashers, Choppers, or in plain talk, TEETH!

One of the major issues in personal care is dental health. While we have striven to avoid commercial toothpastes containing SLS, chemical, and artificial ingredients, it is only this past year that we switched to making our own toothpaste and tooth oil. As we are living in Madinah, Saudi Arabia for 10 months out of the year, we are limited in what we can obtain. I have come up with these recipes, based on what is available.

Tooth oil:

I used a tooth oil years ago that was excellent, but very expensive. It was simply a sweet almond oil base with spearmint and peppermint essential oils, in a specific proportion. Well, I decided to make my own tooth oil, obviously at a fraction of the cost, and after experimentation, changed the recipe to this. Please note that I make this in a small essential oil bottle - 10 ml I believe.

Base:

Coconut oil (this has proven benefits for oral health and we found it preferable over the almond oil)

Additions:

20 drops each of spearmint and peppermint essential oil
40 drops of sweet orange essential oil
5 drops of thyme essential oil
5 drops of 4 thieves oil (or the equivalent blend - we use Germ Killer)

These amounts can be adjusted to taste, and the oils can be changed to others that are also beneficial to oral and dental health. Simply put two drops of the oil on a wet toothbrush and brush teeth, gums, tongue, and roof of mouth thoroughly. Although this is perfectly safe to swallow, you will have brushed the toxins off your teeth and mouth and you will be swallowing those as well, so it is best to rinse your mouth out thoroughly afterwards. You will have wonderfully smooth teeth and fresh breath, inshaa Allah.

Our homemade toothpaste:

This is a real mix and match of recipes I saw online and what worked for us.

Baking soda (fill 1/2 of a 4 fluid ounce container)
Essential oils: 50 drops sweet orange oil, 20 drops peppermint, 20 drops spearmint, 5 drops 4 thieves/germ killer oil, 5 drops thyme...or oils to your needs/taste.
Raw honey - add honey up fill the 4 fluid ounce container to 3/4 full (in other words, 1/4 measure of the container/`1 fluid ounce)

Stir up and add a few drops of water (or coconut oil) to the desired consistency.


Other recipes:

I plan to make this once we can obtain the ingredients inshaa Allah.

http://thepaleomama.com/2013/12/diy-remineralizing-toothpaste/

Also:

http://healthylivinghowto.com/1/post/2014/02/ditch-your-toxic-toothpaste-10-diy-toothpaste-recipes.html

Toothbrushes:

As for toothbrushes, we still haven't given them up (old habits die hard) so since last summer we made a conscious decision to buy sustainable, good toothbrushes. We all use Radius Source toothbrushes -

even the baby, maashaa Allah.

That said, our goal is to become totally comfortable with the full time use of miswak, thereby having a totally natural toothbrush from the twigs of the neem or arak tree. This is, by far, the best toothcare option as we know the Prophet Muhammad - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - said he would order us to use them before every prayer if it wouldn't be a hardship.

Oil pulling:

I have practiced oil pulling before and am looking into resuming it. While it is controversial as to how much it really does, aside from cleansing the mouth well, it certainly does cleanse the mouth well! You can find many resources on oil pulling, but one is here:

 http://pulling-oil.com/

Tooth healing:

We have looked at these reports and others like them:

http://thepaleomama.com/2013/11/how-im-healing-cavities-without-dentistry/

http://www.thenourishinggourmet.com/2013/01/the-diet-that-heals-cavities.html

and plan to get these books this summer, inshaa Allah.

Parenting: Communicative Problem Solving - Understanding Love

Here are the latest series of questions posed to get them thinking and understanding what real love is.

Questions:

What does it mean to love someone?

Can you love someone after seeing the once because you think they are good looking/attractive?

Can you love someone without knowing them?

If someone gives you all the things you like or want, does that mean they love you?

If you love someone, should you never correct them, tell them off, or punish them if they do wrong or haraam actions on purpose?

What would you do if someone you love keeps on doing haraam actions?

Does it change how much you love them if they keep on doing haraam actions, even though you have tried to correct them or stop them many times?

Is it easier to love people who love Allah and are obedient to Him or people who just do as they like?

Who should we love the most, and why?

Extension:

There are a couple of posts on the other blog which tie in with this exercise, and could be used afterwards as part of the learning and growing process. They can be found here and here.

What we're reading in April 2014

Here is the mix of books being read in our home this month.

Please note, we had posted the book Kaffir Boy, which comes in two versions - one with some adult content and one revised for schools. We had the version revised for schools, but have since decided to remove the book completely to ensure nobody purchases or reads the unrevised version or purchases it for their children and exposes them to anything inappropriate. May Allah guide and protect us and our families from all harm - ameen.

 

 

 

 

 

Parenting: Muslim Police Force

How many of you are trying to remind your children to use the appropriate dua' for the different day-to-day activities? Well, here is an idea you might like to implement that is fun and educational.

Set up your own Muslim Police Force.

Make police badges for each Officer, for example:

Bism'Illah Officer
Al hamdul'Illah Officer
Bathroom Dua' Officer
Bedtime Dua' Officer
Post Adhaan Dua' Officer
Prayer Time Officer

Basically, choose whatever titles you want to have and need to teach/implement in your home. Then assign the badges to each family member for a week. Each person is in charge of reminding all the others to say the appropriate dua' at the specified time. So, Bism'Illah Officer will make sure everyone says it before eating, Bedtime Dua' Officer will go around ensuring everyone says their bedtime dua' before sleeping, etc. As the weeks go by and the officer's rotate roles, it will give everyone an opportunity to reinforce the daily dua' and also when things seem well established, new Officer roles can be created to add to the dua. The dua' for putting clothes on, the dua' for leaving the house, the dua' for the traveller, etc. Masha'Allah, the beauty of it is that for the younger ones, it can be a very simple one word thing and for the older ones something longer that they can teach others.

I never forget how the children would all ask each other, "Did YOU say bism'Illah?" before eating, LOL. It was like a police inquiry and it gave me this idea. You could even authorize them to issue tickets for offenders, LOL!

Parenting: Communicative Problem Solving - Letters of Apology

As a follow-up to the last problem solving exercise, Exposure to Haraam, which elicited excellent responses maashaa Allah, we had a session the following day where letters of apology were written. The children wrote letters of apology to each person they felt they had negatively influenced or harmed in some way. It was also a time for parents to apologize for any failings or errors on their part.

This is not only a healing strategy, but also an expository one. It enables parents to see how each child understands the extent their actions affect others. For example, do they realize that disobeying parents or talking back is modelling haraam to their siblings? Do they realize that it isn't just necessary to apologize to their younger siblings if they modelled something wrong, but possibly to their older siblings. As disobedience and disrespect of parents is a major sin, they may also have to apologize to their parents.

Why else is this vitally important? Because they must have the correct ingredients for tawbah (repentance) to be accepted. There is no sincere and accepted repentance without regret for one's actions and trying to make amends to those one has hurt or oppressed.

What we're reading in March 2014

Here's what we are reading this month, a collection of books ranging from a stories based on true life, a biography, self-management and health, to essential farm knowledge, sound and checked books on Islaam in English, and creative arts books for children.