Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Parenting: Communicative Problem Solving - Exposure to Haraam

This is the second in the series of parenting questions to bring about mutual understanding, opening lines of communication and critical thinking. The sequence of the questions was important, to ensure certain concepts were in place before the situation was presented for problem solving. This particular exercise is an excellent way to gauge your children's understanding of the key concepts of morality, the strong influence of shaytaan, the ripple effect, and aspects of love.

Parenting Question #2:

If you see haraam things like people smoking, drinking alcohol, dancing at mixed parties, naked men and women, pornography, etc. can you ever forget it?

Is it good or bad to see such things? Why?

If you learn to do haraam actions, is it easy or hard to stop? Why?

Would it be better if you never saw of learned haraam things? Why?

If you show someone else something haraam, or teach them to do something haraam, what are you doing to them? What will learning and doing those wrong things do for them? What will teaching those wrong things do for you?

Are you showing them you love them by doing that?

If your parents tell you to steal candy bars from Walmart while waiting in the checkout line, and they know it is haraam, are they loving you? Why?

Your children, Tahir, Tahirah, and Tahaarah play together a lot. Tahir shows his little sisters nearly naked people on the computer. Tahirah shows Tahir and Tahaarah how to sing and dance to street rap music and different curse words she's heard on the street. What will you do about this?


If the answer is too simplistic, like, "I will tell them off," then the extension will provoke a more realistic response.

Beyond telling them off, which isn't working, what can you do to correct their behavior? How can you get them to learn self-control and model good behaviors to each other?


  1. As'salaamu alaikum. This is a constant battle as our kids have a pretty big gap between the first two and second two. To be honest I try to change me own behavior and words with the oldest and explain why (i.e. For Allah's pleasure and set a good example for the children). Alhamdulillah despite some minor things, I've really seen a difference in the olders kids and insha'allah it will rub off on the younger ones. But I am CONSTANTLY reminding them of their actions, words and even tone, but I also allow them to correct me as well (in a respectful manner of course). Alhamdulillah I will use your exercise above to drive the point more at our next halaqa. Jazakallahu khirin for the post.

    1. Wa alaykum ussalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh Rumaysa.

      Wa iyyaaki, ukhtee. I believe that it is universal that we have to CONSTANTLY remind our children of their actions, words, and tone. It seems to be an integral part of parenting, and one that takes a lot of patient perseverance. I often think it would make sense to make a recording, rather than saying the same thing over and over again...but I think of the expiation of sins I get, inshaa Allah, for the sore throat I get from talking so much, LOL.


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